misunderstood

I saw this quote online recently, but I couldn't find a good photo (with the quote in it), so I decided to make one. 

In an effort to 'be myself' over the course of my life, I feel that I've scared away more people by being 'overly' kind than any other emotion combined.  Being an introvert, wanting nothing but peace (and maybe a hug), I fall too quickly for those that intrigue me, and pique my interest.  This causes my 'need' to be understood to spill over a thousandfold.  I can quickly become overbearing, expecting that same passion in return.  A few minutes, or a few days later, the person is gone from my life forever.  My heart, and its need for acceptance was rejected.  I only wanted a friend...

I've acknowledged the fact this is the way it's always going to be.  I'm unable to change who I am.

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Keep your kid... I want my dog!

 
 SAHARA, YOU WERE AND STILL ARE THE BEST! BETTER THAN ANY 'KID' I'VE EVER MET. YOU TOOK A BIG PIECE OF MY HEART WITH YOU LAST WEEK... WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU FOREVER, BUT I STILL FEEL YOU THERE WITH ME EVERY SINGLE DAY... :(

SAHARA, YOU WERE AND STILL ARE THE BEST! BETTER THAN ANY 'KID' I'VE EVER MET. YOU TOOK A BIG PIECE OF MY HEART WITH YOU LAST WEEK... WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU FOREVER, BUT I STILL FEEL YOU THERE WITH ME EVERY SINGLE DAY... :(

First, for the parents out there, this is not directed towards all of you, only that select few that can't comprehend what I'm about ready to say.  With that being the case, why am I even typing this?  That's right, it's for you Sahara!

The past couple of weeks have been a complete mess.  From a snow storm knocking out the power for a few days, to a monstrous (27,000 gallon) water bill caused by a leaking pipe in the front yard, and finally (and the most crushing) our poor little dog Sahara, passing away Friday morning after complications from surgery.  No, I'm not looking for any kind of sympathy.  I'm a big boy, I can handle it, even though it totally rocked my world and I'm still recovering.  I still cry for her every day, and I don't know when that might start to fade (and I'm not sure if I want it to).  I am frustrated though by those that somehow think that their kids are more important than my dog.  

My wife and I don't have kids.  This was a decision we made long ago.  We love animals, and we try to donate as much as we can to shelters and other animal charities - anything that we can do to help.  I've joked before, if we get a piece of mail (in the mailbox) that has a picture of a monkey, a dog, or a whale on it, the checking account is about to get a bit smaller. 

As for kids, I understand the love that people have for them, and how they'd give up their own life, for the life of their kid.  You know what though?  I'd do the exact same thing for my dog, or at least I would have, while she was still alive.  That's how much she meant to me.  She deserved that, and I would have sacrificed my own life for hers.  Is it really that difficult for people to understand?  Or is there some narcissistic gene that develops in certain individuals (once they have children), that makes it impossible to look down from their ivory tower on us 'pet only' owners?   

Let me be clear, there are lots of parents that listened to me describing my pain over the past few days (and it meant a lot to me).  At the same time though, those that lacked any sort of empathy, came off with this 'holier than thou' attitude.  This, "I have kids and you don't, so I'm more special" type of thing...  Get over yourself!  If I can understand your love for your children, why can you understand my love for my dog?  It really pisses me off.  

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised though, now that I sit back and really think about it.  Bruce Hornsby said it best, "that's just the way it is, some things will never change..."

RIP Sahara, I miss you more than you'll ever know.  I'm just really irritated right now, because the world robbed me of you.  I loved you, and you knew that, and in the end that's the only thing that is truly important.  Others have a hard time comprehending it, but that's their own problem.  If anything, I guess I feel sorry for them for not being able to love more...

 

Was time for an overhaul

LOL, I just started creating this website in January and it was time for an overhaul already.  I removed a lot of reference to some things and cleaned some stuff up.  I feel much more comfortable with everything now.  Unlike before, where I was (for some reason) 'constantly obsessing' on things, I felt that this time, I could get up and walk away at any time.  I don't know why I felt things were so important before, especially for something that no one besides me is probably going to see anyway.

Those posts that I removed the other day are probably going to end up staying in the trash.  Yeah, it stripped a good portion of things out, but it's something that I needed to do to feel better.  If you happen to read my 'updated' Welcome page, things may make more sense.

That's all for now!  

Lindsey

It may not seem like I've been doing much lately, but I've been updating some things under the Lindsey Stirling section at the top.  I have photos and videos from the first two Lindsey concerts that I ever attended.  I'm working on the rest, trying to get them edited (and ready to post).  I've also been working on some personal stuff (that I'll be blogging about later).  I'm sort of keeping it a secret for now, but it's something that I'll be trying in a couple of weeks.  I'm anxious, excited, nervous, and happy about the decision, so stay tuned.  In the meantime, check out the latest Lindsey stuff that I posted. :)

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Working on some stuff

I'm been working on some code on (this) website the past couple of days, so not a lot has changed.  I have a lot of pages unlinked, so I hope to add them soon (I just need to drag them into the live view), it's just sort of staying static for a very short time until I get the bugs worked out.  I have more Lindsey pages I'm working on too, so those will also be added too.  Stay tuned!

A beautiful afternoon!

 It just barely had over 50k miles on it! :(

It just barely had over 50k miles on it! :(

Big snow this morning, roads cleared by the afternoon, just in time for my weekly appointment with my psychologist, cruising down the interstate around 80mph, and 'KABOOM' there goes my rear, drivers side tire, completely shredded on the inside.  Of course with the snow being piled up in the emergency lane, I could only pull about 3/4 of the way into it, so I got to stare death in the face as I lay there in the slush, salt, and ice (in 2 degree temperatures) changing a tire, as cars and trucks whizzed by (well over the speed limit), just feet from me (some a lot closer).  I mean, if you see someone laying in the middle of the interstate, pay attention people, and move into the other lane...LOL  I'll admit, it was a wild rush, and I may have enjoyed it a little too much, but that's something that I need to work on with my psychologist... :)

In the end, I was soaked, cold, my fingers are still numb (no lie), but I have a brand new set of tires, thanks to Tire Discounters.  Luckily, they had them in stock.  I figured I had 50k+ on them, a new set was going to be in order soon.  I had stopped by Honda first, because I had every single light on my dash flashing at me (riding the doughnut), but of course, the dealership doesn't keep anything in stock, and the dude 'helping' me, said that he couldn't promise he'd have any in before Friday.  What?  Fortunately, the Tire Discounters store is just across the road, so I'm riding a new set, enjoying life, still high on that rush from dancing with the devil earlier.  Oh, and all of those lights on the dash went out after the doughnut was removed and replaced with an actual tire.  Something I should have probably known beforehand.

Squarespace, and why I decided to go down that road

 
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Well, I've been sitting here for a few hours this morning, doing some more work on the site.  Learning Squarespace is sort of fun.  Kind of like WordPress.  I actually think it's a little easier to navigate than WordPress though.  Once you get the hang of Squarespace, and choose your right template, you're off and running.  Learning how to adjust Style Editor can be a bit of a challenge, but at least you don't have to visit twenty different menus (as in WordPress) to change one of the simplest things.

So far I've noticed a few things...

  1. Hosting WordPress can be cheap and cost effective, depending on your web host, but backing the site up, updating plugins (which seems like every day), and so on, now that's a different story.  Some plugins just die off, which is annoying too.  You'll find something that you really like, only to use it for a few months and it stops working, never to be updated again.
  2. Using the hosted version of WordPress (wordpress.com) can be ridiculously expensive, especially if you want to be able to have the ability to have your own plugins.  I'm not saying that Squarespace is a steal, it can be pricey too, but to me (after hosting my own WordPress site for years), I'm finding that I'm falling in love with Squarespace more and more each day.  
  3. Of course, there are a lot of other alternative options out there, Ghost, Blogger, Wix, Weebly, Medium (don't get me started) and the list goes on and on, but the 'smoothness' of Squarespace is something that I'm really enjoying.
  4. Creating a beautiful site on Squarespace is incredibly easy, and just takes a few minutes, to a few hours to learn (depending on how 'tech savvy' you are).

I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now.  I don't want to sound like I'm bashing WordPress, it's fun to learn, is very customizable, has a billion different themes (that would suit anyone), but I felt it was time for me to move on to something different.

I used Blogger years and years ago, and still do some things with Tumblr.  Blogger hasn't changed much since I used it almost 10 years ago, and Tumblr, well with Yahoo now being owned by Verizon, I just feel the future of Tumblr is too much up in the air.  I don't doubt that it will live on, but what changes will be made?  

Anyway, that's my rant for the day.  If you're a fan of the others, I'm super excited for you.  Continue to do what you do.  There are lots of awesome sites out there, on each platform.  I just decided to give something else a try this time.  Now, I might be back a few days from now, blasting Squarespace for not having this, or having that, but for now, I'm enjoying the ride...

I think I'm going to go and enjoy the rest of my day for now, and get off of this damn computer...