Drop (Justin Furstenfeld)

Geez, I really wish I had a video of this from his Open Book Tour.  Maybe during his next Open Book, I'll be able to get one.  For now, this is the best that I could find.  While a video would be nice (to see that passion that Justin exudes), the words themselves are what speak to you in this version (and every other version) of Drop.

Before you click on to the next page, or wherever you're going, give this a short listen, please...

See you in a couple of days, Justin!  I can't wait! :)

 
 

misunderstood

I saw this quote online recently, but I couldn't find a good photo (with the quote in it), so I decided to make one. 

In an effort to 'be myself' over the course of my life, I feel that I've scared away more people by being 'overly' kind than any other emotion combined.  Being an introvert, wanting nothing but peace (and maybe a hug), I fall too quickly for those that intrigue me, and pique my interest.  This causes my 'need' to be understood to spill over a thousandfold.  I can quickly become overbearing, expecting that same passion in return.  A few minutes, or a few days later, the person is gone from my life forever.  My heart, and its need for acceptance was rejected.  I only wanted a friend...

I've acknowledged the fact this is the way it's always going to be.  I'm unable to change who I am.

nothing_hurts_a_good_soul.jpg

Your need for acceptance

WOW!  Another beautiful video!  I need to continue to make the changes that I've been making, and seeing things for what they are.  Work, material things, fake friends, none of that stuff matters.  There's a bigger and brighter world out there for the taking.  The 'real' stuff, the stuff that will make me whole... :)

"Your need for acceptance is what can make you invisible in this world" - Jim Carrey

I'll leave it at that... Thanks again, Jim!

 
 

What Really Exists

I don't know, maybe I'm just going to start to post a lot of inspirational stuff. :)  I've always been a fan of Jim Carrey, but I never thought when I first saw Dumb & Dumber almost 25 years ago that I'd be sitting her sharing YouTube videos about his mind, about his motivational speeches, about his awakenings that he is now sharing with the world.  Sometimes, I feel like I have a lot in common with him, and he's managing to put those words that have been floating around in my head into complete sentences.

It bothers me when people reference how it's easy for him to say these things because of the money he's made or the life that he has lived.  If anything, I think it only makes it harder.  It would be more difficult to lose yourself.  I'd love to meet him for a few minutes, and to just share some thoughts, and to give him a hug and tell him that I understand, and he has helped me understand.  A connection of lost souls that are finding their place in the universe, if you will.  Thanks, Jim! 

 
 

Keep your kid... I want my dog!

 
 SAHARA, YOU WERE AND STILL ARE THE BEST! BETTER THAN ANY 'KID' I'VE EVER MET. YOU TOOK A BIG PIECE OF MY HEART WITH YOU LAST WEEK... WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU FOREVER, BUT I STILL FEEL YOU THERE WITH ME EVERY SINGLE DAY... :(

SAHARA, YOU WERE AND STILL ARE THE BEST! BETTER THAN ANY 'KID' I'VE EVER MET. YOU TOOK A BIG PIECE OF MY HEART WITH YOU LAST WEEK... WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU FOREVER, BUT I STILL FEEL YOU THERE WITH ME EVERY SINGLE DAY... :(

First, for the parents out there, this is not directed towards all of you, only that select few that can't comprehend what I'm about ready to say.  With that being the case, why am I even typing this?  That's right, it's for you Sahara!

The past couple of weeks have been a complete mess.  From a snow storm knocking out the power for a few days, to a monstrous (27,000 gallon) water bill caused by a leaking pipe in the front yard, and finally (and the most crushing) our poor little dog Sahara, passing away Friday morning after complications from surgery.  No, I'm not looking for any kind of sympathy.  I'm a big boy, I can handle it, even though it totally rocked my world and I'm still recovering.  I still cry for her every day, and I don't know when that might start to fade (and I'm not sure if I want it to).  I am frustrated though by those that somehow think that their kids are more important than my dog.  

My wife and I don't have kids.  This was a decision we made long ago.  We love animals, and we try to donate as much as we can to shelters and other animal charities - anything that we can do to help.  I've joked before, if we get a piece of mail (in the mailbox) that has a picture of a monkey, a dog, or a whale on it, the checking account is about to get a bit smaller. 

As for kids, I understand the love that people have for them, and how they'd give up their own life, for the life of their kid.  You know what though?  I'd do the exact same thing for my dog, or at least I would have, while she was still alive.  That's how much she meant to me.  She deserved that, and I would have sacrificed my own life for hers.  Is it really that difficult for people to understand?  Or is there some narcissistic gene that develops in certain individuals (once they have children), that makes it impossible to look down from their ivory tower on us 'pet only' owners?   

Let me be clear, there are lots of parents that listened to me describing my pain over the past few days (and it meant a lot to me).  At the same time though, those that lacked any sort of empathy, came off with this 'holier than thou' attitude.  This, "I have kids and you don't, so I'm more special" type of thing...  Get over yourself!  If I can understand your love for your children, why can you understand my love for my dog?  It really pisses me off.  

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised though, now that I sit back and really think about it.  Bruce Hornsby said it best, "that's just the way it is, some things will never change..."

RIP Sahara, I miss you more than you'll ever know.  I'm just really irritated right now, because the world robbed me of you.  I loved you, and you knew that, and in the end that's the only thing that is truly important.  Others have a hard time comprehending it, but that's their own problem.  If anything, I guess I feel sorry for them for not being able to love more...

 

What It All Means

Here's a really cool video that puts a lot of things into perspective.  If you decide to watch it, really think about what he's saying.  Pay attention deeply, or it will be a waste of six minutes and you'll walk away with nothing.

One of the things that really stood out to me is when Jim said people tell him "Well, I don't want to be me", and he says "Well, great because you never have been."  I'll let you decipher this for yourself, but it's one of the most beautiful parts of the entire video.  

I want to post more about ego death later, but I'm still deciding how to go about it (or if I even should).  For me, the most important thing is 'living' with that death, and continuing to practice it, after it has happened.  Death is 'the end' of something, so why do a lot of people online talk about it as if it's a temporary thing?  If it's that profound, then it doesn't happen again and again.  The very definition of 'ego' is 'a person's self-esteem or self importance.'  If you've experienced it, is it necessary to plaster it all over the internet?  Is it for your self-esteem?  Is it for the followers, or the number of views you get on YouTube?  If so, then you need to re-visit the subject entirely.  It's OK to be insignificant.  Nothing matters.  If it were all gone tomorrow, would it really make a difference?

Anyway, I may post something else about it tomorrow, or maybe never.  I don't know.  I'm aware that this site is pretty much for myself, and that hardly anyone is aware of its existence.  I don't have any ads on the site, and I'm not interested in making money off of it.  It's just a simple place where I share whatever is on my mind, but never, ever, to prove myself to anyone.  Yeah, I may post about getting front row tickets to see Lindsey, but anyone can do that.  It requires no special talent.  Meeting and seeing Lindsey makes me happy.  :)  I may post a picture of a book that I got signed, or maybe some music that I'm listening to, or other things that affect me in different ways.  I'm not trying to 'prove' anything though.  I made peace with myself a long time ago.

99.999% of my posts (and other parts of this site) will go down in history as never being seen by anyone other than myself.  That's fine with me.  

I'm not important - I don't want to be.  Happy?  Yes...

 
 

Luo Li Rong

I just found her art a few days ago and I AM BLOWN AWAY!!!  They are without a doubt, some of the most amazing pieces of sculpture that I've ever seen, and I spend my fair share of time in art museums.  I'd love to own a replica of this some day.  I guess for now, I'll just have to enjoy the endless search for a piece of her work.  I know it's a lost cause, but let me dream, OK???  Click on the 'PLAY' button to watch the video (below).  Here's the link to her Instagram profile to check out more of her incredible work.  :)